Episode 3: Name That Friction!

Karen: 00:00:06

I think we've all had that unfortunate experience when

2

: 00:00:08

traveling where the bag that

you didn't want to check in the

3

: 00:00:11

first place ends up not arriving.

4

: 00:00:13

I don't want to pick on any particular

airline, so let's just come up

5

: 00:00:17

with a generic name like American.

6

: 00:00:20

Picture this.

7

: 00:00:21

I'm standing at baggage claim.

8

: 00:00:22

I'm waiting.

9

: 00:00:23

I'm looking for my bag.

10

: 00:00:25

It's not there.

11

: 00:00:26

I go to the American Airlines counter.

12

: 00:00:28

The staff says, "Oh, it probably went

to terminal F," which seems super

13

: 00:00:32

weird when you're in terminal D.

14

: 00:00:34

But I walk to terminal F from D, and the

team at that counter basically laughs

15

: 00:00:38

in my face, and they're like, "Why

would a bag from a terminal D flight be

16

: 00:00:42

in a terminal F, you complete idiot?"

17

: 00:00:44

Which they didn't necessarily

say, but I felt that because we're

18

: 00:00:48

talking about the Philadelphia

Airport, that was definitely implied.

19

: 00:00:53

I walk all the way back.

20

: 00:00:54

The person who was originally

there is now on break.

21

: 00:00:57

I fill out a form.

22

: 00:00:58

They give me, like, a 47-digit

code and a login to a portal.

23

: 00:01:03

And when I log in there later, there's

no updates, and so time passes.

24

: 00:01:07

And finally, one day my phone rings.

25

: 00:01:09

I answer it, and I hear, "Hello, Mrs.

26

: 00:01:12

Dork.

27

: 00:01:13

We found your bag."

28

: 00:01:16

In the rankings of how I'd like this

to have gone, ideal state would've

29

: 00:01:20

been never losing my bag at all,

followed by finding it quickly.

30

: 00:01:24

But waiting several days and then

being name-called was definitely

31

: 00:01:27

close to the bottom of the list.

32

: 00:01:30

And it's not because they were bad people.

33

: 00:01:32

It's not because they didn't

care, although I don't

34

: 00:01:35

think they cared that much.

35

: 00:01:36

But it's because there was just so much

friction built into the system, and nobody

36

: 00:01:41

on the inside was experiencing it the way

that I did on the outside as a customer.

37

: 00:01:45

To them, they get told about

a missing bag, and when they

38

: 00:01:48

find it, they just call Mrs.

39

: 00:01:50

Dork.

40

: 00:01:51

But to me, it was a case of every

single step in the process being

41

: 00:01:55

harder than it needed to be.

42

: 00:01:57

That's what we're going

to talk about today.

43

: 00:02:00

I'm Karen Doak.

44

: 00:02:01

This is OK Actually, where we get clear,

get sorted, get going, and stay sane.

45

: 00:02:09

So that's obviously the experience on

the customer side of things, but I've

46

: 00:02:13

seen and noted the same experience

internally at companies where I've worked.

47

: 00:02:17

A customer has a question.

48

: 00:02:19

It's the kind of question that another

customer has definitely asked before.

49

: 00:02:23

It's not a trick.

50

: 00:02:24

It's not a gotcha.

51

: 00:02:26

It's the kind of question that if your

organization is doing what it says it

52

: 00:02:29

does, it should be answerable in, let's

say, 20 minutes or so of light searching.

53

: 00:02:35

But it isn't, and that's not because

anyone is incompetent or slacking.

54

: 00:02:40

If you watch all of the internal activity

that goes on to try to get an answer

55

: 00:02:44

to the question, the emails, Slack

messages, "Hey, do you have this?"

56

: 00:02:48

pings, the pinging again, the casual,

"Hey, I don't mean to pester, but still

57

: 00:02:52

trying to get an answer for so-and-so."

58

: 00:02:55

It looks like effort because it is effort

because there's no actual result Effort

59

: 00:03:01

and answers are not the same thing.

60

: 00:03:04

The answer ultimately lives nowhere,

or alternatively, it lives in 12

61

: 00:03:09

places that don't talk to each other.

62

: 00:03:11

There's poor documentation, lack of

ownership, institutional knowledge

63

: 00:03:16

locked in the head of someone who

may not even be there anymore.

64

: 00:03:19

Twenty minutes becomes a month,

and the team works hard the whole

65

: 00:03:22

time to try to get an answer.

66

: 00:03:24

Internally, it felt like effort, but

externally, it looked like incompetence.

67

: 00:03:30

The friction might end up feeling

invisible to you when you're the

68

: 00:03:33

one chasing it inside, and you get

completely used to it, but it's totally

69

: 00:03:37

visible to the customer as well.

70

: 00:03:40

So that's what we're

talking about today, right?

71

: 00:03:42

Friction, the organizational,

personal, structural kind, the drag

72

: 00:03:47

that slows everything down and costs

more than you know, and that you've

73

: 00:03:51

probably stopped noticing a lot of

because you totally get used to it.

74

: 00:03:55

It just becomes an expectation.

75

: 00:03:57

We're gonna talk about what happens

when you stop noticing, how to

76

: 00:04:01

find it when you look for it,

and what to do when you find it.

77

: 00:04:05

Because the answer is not always

fix it, and it's definitely

78

: 00:04:08

not always just accept it.

79

: 00:04:11

There's a thing that happens in

organizations, and frankly, in families

80

: 00:04:15

too, and, and personal work groups,

where friction just gets absorbed into

81

: 00:04:20

the standard operating assumption.

82

: 00:04:22

You stop flinching.

83

: 00:04:24

You start saying, "Oh, yeah, it's gonna

take us a few weeks to get you that

84

: 00:04:27

answer," without your eye twitching.

85

: 00:04:29

And when you say it, it's the

kind of sentence that has stopped

86

: 00:04:33

feeling like an apology and

started sounding like a policy.

87

: 00:04:37

And here's the problem.

88

: 00:04:39

Your customer doesn't stop

feeling it, and you know that

89

: 00:04:42

because you've been that customer.

90

: 00:04:44

The person on the receiving

end of the broken process is

91

: 00:04:46

still living it in real time.

92

: 00:04:49

They're living exactly what

you've learned to accept, and

93

: 00:04:52

they don't have your context.

94

: 00:04:54

They don't know about the CRM

migration or the staffing gap or

95

: 00:04:57

the fact that Q4 was just a lot,

and everyone's still recovering.

96

: 00:05:02

They just know it's been two weeks.

97

: 00:05:04

They still don't have an answer to

a question they thought was pretty

98

: 00:05:06

simple, and they asked in good faith.

99

: 00:05:09

What you've stopped feeling,

they never stopped experiencing.

100

: 00:05:14

This is actually the most expensive

thing for an organization or a group

101

: 00:05:18

or even an individual that's not

being tracked because it's not just

102

: 00:05:22

the month of bad experience, but it's

the compounding erosion of trust.

103

: 00:05:27

The customer who stops asking, not

because they don't need help anymore,

104

: 00:05:31

but because they already know that

the answer's gonna piss them off.

105

: 00:05:35

The employee who stops flagging

problems, not because the problems

106

: 00:05:38

went away, but because they've run out

of faith that flagging does anything

107

: 00:05:42

when they hear their boss is just

saying, "Look, I've raised that issue.

108

: 00:05:45

I've tried to solve it, and it's

not going anywhere, so please

109

: 00:05:49

just stop bringing it to me."

110

: 00:05:52

The relationship, whether it's

professional, personal, or institutional,

111

: 00:05:57

it develops a workaround instead of a

resolution, and the workaround is that

112

: 00:06:02

it becomes standard in the relationship.

113

: 00:06:05

Friction doesn't disappear

when you normalize it.

114

: 00:06:08

It just stops being visible to

the people who could fix it, and

115

: 00:06:11

that's not a neutral outcome.

116

: 00:06:14

That is a slow leak in a building

that you thought was solid.

117

: 00:06:19

That moment that you start to say, "Yep,

it's just gonna take a couple weeks,"

118

: 00:06:23

without flinching, you've made a decision.

119

: 00:06:26

You've decided that this is

just how it is, and maybe it is.

120

: 00:06:29

Maybe three weeks is genuinely the

best the system can do right now,

121

: 00:06:33

given real constraints and real humans.

122

: 00:06:35

Maybe.

123

: 00:06:37

But there's, there's a critical

difference between two things that can

124

: 00:06:41

look identical from the outside, and

that's an important distinction to draw.

125

: 00:06:45

The difference between informed

acceptance and passive absorption.

126

: 00:06:49

Informed acceptance is, "I know

exactly why this takes three weeks.

127

: 00:06:53

I've looked at it.

128

: 00:06:54

I've decided consciously that it's

not mine to fix right now, or that

129

: 00:06:57

the cost of changing it outweighs

the cost of absorbing it, or that

130

: 00:07:01

I'm not even someone who can solve

it without buy-in from others, and

131

: 00:07:04

that's not coming anytime soon, and

ultimately, I'm budgeting for it.

132

: 00:07:08

I, I made a choice."

133

: 00:07:09

Whereas passive absorption is

more, "It just takes three weeks.

134

: 00:07:13

It's always taken three weeks.

135

: 00:07:14

I've stopped asking."

136

: 00:07:16

Those two sound almost identical

out loud, but they're not the

137

: 00:07:19

same thing because that second one

is actually a type of surrender.

138

: 00:07:26

Last week, I talked about Pepper,

my aging soulmate of a toy poodle.

139

: 00:07:31

On the other end of the dog spectrum

from Pepper is my other poodle, Sam.

140

: 00:07:35

Sam is not a smart dog.

141

: 00:07:37

Sam has a whole host of issues.

142

: 00:07:39

We had a, a dog whisperer named Big

Chuck who said that he had level two

143

: 00:07:43

anxiety but wouldn't tell me what that

meant or even how many levels there are.

144

: 00:07:49

But one of the areas that Sam has major

issues with is any slippery surface, or

145

: 00:07:55

I guess you could say lack of friction.

146

: 00:07:58

When we built the house we're in right

now, we chose wood floors and even a

147

: 00:08:01

wood staircase without a runner on it

because, as I said to Jeff, "I'm not

148

: 00:08:05

gonna make a decision about my home

based on the anxiety of a ten-pound dog."

149

: 00:08:10

Sam did not get a vote.

150

: 00:08:12

But since then, Sam has scratched up the

stairs doing these panic leaps at the

151

: 00:08:16

top and bottom of landings, and now I

have to have rugs that I don't like in

152

: 00:08:20

places I did not even want rugs because

otherwise Sam can't even get from one

153

: 00:08:25

room to the next, and he just sits and

cries until someone comes to get him.

154

: 00:08:29

So I chose the floors.

155

: 00:08:32

I guess I chose Sam.

156

: 00:08:33

I live with the rugs.

157

: 00:08:35

I've totally normalized this.

158

: 00:08:37

I walk over a rug that I hate

every single day, and we just

159

: 00:08:40

tell guests, "Oh, that's Sam."

160

: 00:08:44

Actually, his dog tag just says, "Oh,

Sam" because- Guys, this dog needs help.

161

: 00:08:50

Anyway, that's Sam, and that's just

the calm of someone who has made peace

162

: 00:08:55

with that decision three years ago.

163

: 00:08:57

I have informed acceptance.

164

: 00:08:59

I know the ground truth.

165

: 00:09:00

I chose specific floors.

166

: 00:09:02

My dog is afraid of those floors.

167

: 00:09:04

In fact, the rugs are the only

place in this entire story where

168

: 00:09:08

I want more friction, not less

169

: 00:09:11

I didn't just absorb rugs as

an inexplicable feature of

170

: 00:09:14

the house that I didn't want.

171

: 00:09:17

You can't fix what you won't name.

172

: 00:09:20

"It's hard to work here" is not a

diagnosis, it's a weather report, so you

173

: 00:09:24

can either complain about the rain, or you

can try to figure out how to fix the roof.

174

: 00:09:30

Friction isn't ambient.

175

: 00:09:31

It isn't floating in the air, like,

just as a general vibe of difficulty.

176

: 00:09:36

It comes from somewhere, and once you

locate it, once you give it an address,

177

: 00:09:42

you have something to work with.

178

: 00:09:45

It's pretty standard business

nomenclature that there are three

179

: 00:09:47

Ps, or sometimes four Ps or five Ps.

180

: 00:09:50

I'm gonna have five Ps in this example.

181

: 00:09:53

People, process, product,

place, priorities.

182

: 00:09:57

I'm gonna walk through each one with

you and what it has to do with friction.

183

: 00:10:01

And the reason that I'm putting

together a taxonomy here, and the

184

: 00:10:04

reason taxonomy matters, is that each

of these requires different fixes.

185

: 00:10:08

A people problem solved with a process

solution isn't really getting fixed.

186

: 00:10:12

A priorities problem solved with better

software definitely isn't getting fixed,

187

: 00:10:17

and all of those details really matter if

you're trying to solve what's going on.

188

: 00:10:22

So people friction.

189

: 00:10:24

People friction is not always

about a bad person or a difficult

190

: 00:10:28

employee or a challenging boss.

191

: 00:10:30

Sometimes it's a capable

person in the wrong role.

192

: 00:10:32

Sometimes it's a good relationship with,

an unresolved conflict underneath it.

193

: 00:10:37

Sometimes it's someone who was

exactly right for a company of 20 and

194

: 00:10:41

is now a structural problem at 80.

195

: 00:10:44

I was on the receiving end of people

friction when I was trying to get a prior

196

: 00:10:48

authorization from my insurance company,

which seems simple enough in theory,

197

: 00:10:53

except that this particular insurance

company only sends them via snail mail

198

: 00:10:57

and fax and probably carrier pigeon.

199

: 00:11:00

And when it still hadn't arrived in a

timely manner by mail, I then was trying

200

: 00:11:04

to figure out how to get it faxed,

only to learn that there's one person

201

: 00:11:08

in this entire company who handles

the fax machine-- I'm sorry, the fax

202

: 00:11:12

department, and they work part-time

And I know that I'm talking about

203

: 00:11:17

a fax machine in twenty twenty-six.

204

: 00:11:19

I get it.

205

: 00:11:20

But it didn't occur to me that a company's

only ability to send information that

206

: 00:11:24

is quick and timely would be restricted

to a single part-time employee.

207

: 00:11:28

The request ultimately just sits.

208

: 00:11:31

The fix isn't firing someone.

209

: 00:11:33

The fix is making sure a critical

workflow doesn't run through

210

: 00:11:37

a single human with no backup.

211

: 00:11:39

That's a staffing decision,

not a process memo.

212

: 00:11:42

But you can't get there if you just

say, "Oh, this is an issue with my

213

: 00:11:46

insurance company being stuck in 1995."

214

: 00:11:50

." Process friction is a bit of a

different story, and it's often

215

: 00:11:54

invisible because it's built into

how things have been done forever.

216

: 00:11:57

You're not seeing the friction.

217

: 00:11:59

You're just seeing what's normal

for various groups or organizations.

218

: 00:12:03

You can usually tell that it's a process

friction issue when people say things

219

: 00:12:07

like, "Oh, it's always been this way.

220

: 00:12:10

That's just the way it is."

221

: 00:12:12

I think very fondly, in finger quotes,

about when my son was on the swim and

222

: 00:12:16

dive team with 80 other boys, and as

a result, over 100 parents were all

223

: 00:12:22

on the hook to volunteer for things.

224

: 00:12:24

It was just part of the requirements.

225

: 00:12:26

And we needed to sign up

for various snack slots.

226

: 00:12:29

So I signed up for every single

possible snack slot on one single

227

: 00:12:33

day because I'm being efficient.

228

: 00:12:35

Get it done, handle it once, move on.

229

: 00:12:39

One trip to the store,

one time to drop it off.

230

: 00:12:42

You know what?

231

: 00:12:42

I should be honest here, too.

232

: 00:12:43

I was obviously not

gonna drop it off either.

233

: 00:12:46

So one time to put it in the

trunk of my kid's car and

234

: 00:12:48

make him drop it off one time.

235

: 00:12:51

But a mom on the team reached out

and gently Passive aggressively, but

236

: 00:12:55

gently, let me know that the way it is

supposed to work is that everyone signs

237

: 00:12:59

up for one slot, but on different days,

spread out across the season so that

238

: 00:13:04

multiple people had the opportunity to

participate at different points in time.

239

: 00:13:10

This mom is not the problem.

240

: 00:13:12

She's just doing exactly what the swim

moms before her did and the swim moms

241

: 00:13:15

before them, faithfully guarding a

process that's been handed down like

242

: 00:13:20

scripture and never once questioned.

243

: 00:13:22

But here's the actual issue.

244

: 00:13:23

One person handling all the snacks

in one trip is more efficient,

245

: 00:13:27

objectively more efficient.

246

: 00:13:30

Fewer store runs, fewer drop-offs, fewer

scheduling variables, better for both

247

: 00:13:35

the environment and my own mental health

248

: 00:13:38

. The process she's defending makes

everyone's life harder for no

249

: 00:13:41

discernible reason except that

it distributes the participation.

250

: 00:13:46

I don't care about the

participation being distributed.

251

: 00:13:48

This isn't even my team.

252

: 00:13:50

It's my kid's team.

253

: 00:13:51

And all of that apparently matters more

than whether the process makes sense.

254

: 00:13:56

Documenting a bad process is just a more

efficient way to do the wrong thing.

255

: 00:14:00

The fix isn't telling the

new person how it works.

256

: 00:14:02

The fix is asking whether it

should work that way at all.

257

: 00:14:07

Product friction.

258

: 00:14:08

Product friction is different.

259

: 00:14:10

It's often expensive because it touches

everyone who uses it every single day.

260

: 00:14:14

It's also one of the most underestimated

sources of drag because people adapt

261

: 00:14:18

to it thinking that that's just

what the product is there for and

262

: 00:14:22

the workaround then becomes normal.

263

: 00:14:24

Normal becomes invisible and at

some point you're running a business

264

: 00:14:27

on top of a stack of workarounds

that nobody has ever fully mapped.

265

: 00:14:32

This is not meant to be a dig at

Salesforce, but I have had this

266

: 00:14:35

experience with Salesforce so many times.

267

: 00:14:38

Salesforce exists and it's supposed to

be the core CRM and system of record.

268

: 00:14:42

But nobody is using it consistently.

269

: 00:14:44

Nobody is updating it.

270

: 00:14:46

And for that reason, nobody trusts

Salesforce because the data is

271

: 00:14:48

incomplete, because nobody updates

it, because nobody trusts it,

272

: 00:14:52

and such goes the cycle of hell.

273

: 00:14:55

Someone needs a list of

specific customer subset.

274

: 00:14:58

They can't pull it

reliably from Salesforce.

275

: 00:15:00

So then they have to build a Google

sheet and ask everyone to update it.

276

: 00:15:04

Ten days later, they need a

slightly different subset and

277

: 00:15:06

maybe two different fields added.

278

: 00:15:08

So now there's another sheet.

279

: 00:15:10

Another question comes in.

280

: 00:15:11

We need another Google sheet to answer it.

281

: 00:15:13

Nobody had time to update Salesforce

because everyone knew that unless every

282

: 00:15:17

single person in the company updated it,

it still wouldn't be the source of truth.

283

: 00:15:22

They just have to make

the spreadsheet anyway.

284

: 00:15:24

So the tool exists, but almost

as a monument to the problem

285

: 00:15:27

rather than a solution.

286

: 00:15:31

Place friction.

287

: 00:15:33

Place friction is the one that nobody can,

like, put in a customer service ticket.

288

: 00:15:37

The environment shapes behavior

constantly and invisibly.

289

: 00:15:40

Who can focus?

290

: 00:15:41

Who can collaborate?

291

: 00:15:43

Who ends up just staying home?

292

: 00:15:45

And because it's not a person or a

process you can point to, it tends to

293

: 00:15:48

get absorbed as just the way things are.

294

: 00:15:51

I think a lot about post-COVID, when

we'd gotten used to, remote meetings,

295

: 00:15:56

and every meeting has a Zoom link

attached, and most offices, even if

296

: 00:16:00

they've returned to work, still had

a decent number of remote workers.

297

: 00:16:04

The office is an open floor plan

with not enough enclosed rooms or

298

: 00:16:07

meeting rooms, and so on heavy meeting

days, you really have two options.

299

: 00:16:12

You book a room three weeks out and

hope no one stole it by the time

300

: 00:16:16

you get there, or you stay home.

301

: 00:16:17

And so people stay home, and the

office fills up with the people who

302

: 00:16:20

don't need to meet with each other

and is empty of the people who do.

303

: 00:16:24

And then the company's just paying rent on

an office while navigating everything that

304

: 00:16:29

still comes with having a remote team.

305

: 00:16:31

Leadership starts worrying about

engagement and connection and

306

: 00:16:34

culture, and the root cause of

all of that is the floor plan.

307

: 00:16:37

But nobody puts that in

the engagement survey.

308

: 00:16:41

Priorities.

309

: 00:16:42

This is an under-named one when it

comes to friction, but I think it's

310

: 00:16:46

a real culprit a lot more often than

people might give it credit for.

311

: 00:16:50

Priorities friction is often

misdiagnosed as more of a

312

: 00:16:52

communication issue or a process issue.

313

: 00:16:55

You can improve communication

all you want, but if the

314

: 00:16:58

underlying direction is unclear or

contested, you will still be slow.

315

: 00:17:02

You will not be able to pick up the pace.

316

: 00:17:04

You'll just have better documented

slowness, like that sloth who

317

: 00:17:07

works at the DMV in Zootopia.

318

: 00:17:09

I, I think a little bit about this

when I worked in one organization

319

: 00:17:13

where we were ultimately trying to

evolve from a focus on services to a

320

: 00:17:17

focus on software, but without a real

plan or timeline to make that happen.

321

: 00:17:21

The software wasn't built

yet, so it wasn't there.

322

: 00:17:24

Customers still needed services.

323

: 00:17:26

The services team is still doing

the work and still generating

324

: 00:17:28

the revenue, but every staffing

conversation becomes impossible.

325

: 00:17:32

You can't hire for services when

you're gonna move away from that.

326

: 00:17:36

You're trying to hire for tech,

but you don't have the revenue

327

: 00:17:38

to support the headcount.

328

: 00:17:39

And the criteria is constantly shifting

depending on who presented in the meeting

329

: 00:17:43

last and who had the best case for what

needed to happen in the next few weeks.

330

: 00:17:48

Nobody in the room can really

acknowledge that both things were

331

: 00:17:50

true and that the real problem was

that direction hadn't been resolved.

332

: 00:17:53

It was a declared intention,

but not with formal commitments.

333

: 00:17:57

And that's a totally different thing.

334

: 00:17:59

You'll know you're in a priorities

problem when simple decision takes

335

: 00:18:03

forever because nobody can agree

on the criteria for making it.

336

: 00:18:08

The meeting keeps happening.

337

: 00:18:09

The decision keeps not getting made.

338

: 00:18:11

That's not a people problem.

339

: 00:18:13

It's not a process problem.

340

: 00:18:14

The direction itself is what's unresolved

and every decision pays tax on that.

341

: 00:18:21

So with these five P's, people,

process, product, place,

342

: 00:18:25

priorities, which one is yours?

343

: 00:18:27

Just take a moment to see if you can

identify what's the source, what's

344

: 00:18:32

the real source of friction that's

causing you the most pain at the moment.

345

: 00:18:39

You see, that's the distinction I really

want to make sure I'm clear about.

346

: 00:18:43

Friction is what you feel.

347

: 00:18:45

Whereas last week we talked

about ground truth and ground

348

: 00:18:47

truth is why friction exists.

349

: 00:18:49

Friction is the symptom.

350

: 00:18:51

It's the month that it takes

for an answer, the three-step

351

: 00:18:53

approval for a $200 expense.

352

: 00:18:55

It's 100 parents each bringing one bag

of Doritos to 12 different swim meets.

353

: 00:19:01

Whereas ground truth is the

structural reality underneath.

354

: 00:19:04

Nobody owns knowledge management.

355

: 00:19:05

Not because people are lazy,

but because when the company was

356

: 00:19:08

small, it wasn't really needed.

357

: 00:19:10

And no one built the

infrastructure as the company grew.

358

: 00:19:13

Decisions require VP sign-off

because trust was never built at

359

: 00:19:17

the team level and nobody ever

figured out how to delegate.

360

: 00:19:20

So getting to ground truth is

ultimately the full diagnostic.

361

: 00:19:24

It's what you need when you

have the standing and the

362

: 00:19:27

leverage to fix the source.

363

: 00:19:29

But you don't always have

access to the source.

364

: 00:19:32

You might be a customer, a middle

manager with no budget authority

365

: 00:19:35

or a parent dealing with the PTA.

366

: 00:19:38

You can see the friction.

367

: 00:19:39

You can guess at the ground truth, but

you can't fix the underlying architecture

368

: 00:19:43

because you're not in that meeting.

369

: 00:19:45

It's not your call.

370

: 00:19:46

And that's not a failure.

371

: 00:19:47

It's just a totally different problem.

372

: 00:19:49

So when you can't fix the

source, the question shifts.

373

: 00:19:52

How do I reduce the drag that

this creates in my life given

374

: 00:19:55

that I can't change the structure?

375

: 00:19:57

You find the one person inside the

broken system who actually knows

376

: 00:20:00

things and go directly to them.

377

: 00:20:02

You stop sending tickets into the

void and you make a phone call.

378

: 00:20:05

You budget three weeks

instead of two days.

379

: 00:20:07

So you stop being surprised

every time it takes that long.

380

: 00:20:10

You build a workaround that

actually fits your life like rugs

381

: 00:20:13

in places you didn't plan for rugs.

382

: 00:20:17

Sometimes I think a lot about my

therapist when I lived in New York.

383

: 00:20:21

I went to him one time with, I wanna

be clear, not like a real problem,

384

: 00:20:25

and I said, "You know, ugh, I go into

every weekend with so much negativity

385

: 00:20:29

because every Friday afternoon at

work, Morgan comes by my desk and

386

: 00:20:33

is a total downer and just puts

me in a bad mood for the weekend."

387

: 00:20:38

And my therapist was like, "Well, how

do you, how do you think you fix this?"

388

: 00:20:41

And I said, "Oh, I, I don't know.

389

: 00:20:42

I guess I have to have a conversation

with Morgan and let her know how I feel."

390

: 00:20:46

And my therapist was like, "You

could do that, or you could just

391

: 00:20:50

stop talking to Morgan on Fridays."

392

: 00:20:55

The goal isn't zero friction,

because that's not a real place.

393

: 00:20:59

Friction is inherent to complexity.

394

: 00:21:01

Friction is inherent to

other humans existing.

395

: 00:21:05

Some friction is just the natural result

of doing things that actually matter.

396

: 00:21:10

So the goal becomes no

unexamined friction.

397

: 00:21:13

You wanna know what you're

living with and where it comes

398

: 00:21:16

from, and make a real deliberate

choice about what to do with it.

399

: 00:21:20

Fix it, reduce it, organize

against it, accept it consciously

400

: 00:21:25

with your eyes wide open.

401

: 00:21:27

"Yep, it's gonna take three weeks," can

be the end of the sentence, but it doesn't

402

: 00:21:32

need to be the end of the conversation.

403

: 00:21:34

Sometimes you wanna really get

to the bottom of an issue, and

404

: 00:21:37

sometimes you wanna just stop

talking to Morgan on Fridays.

405

: 00:21:42

I'm Karen Doak.

406

: 00:21:43

This is Okay, Actually.

407

: 00:21:45

If something in this episode

landed for you, if you identified

408

: 00:21:49

a friction source in your own work

or life, I'd love to hear about it.

409

: 00:21:52

You can find me on LinkedIn or by email.

410

: 00:21:55

Everything's in the show notes,

and I'll see you next week